CLUE BUS
Here’s a Quarter, Go Buy a Ticket to the Clue Bus - Part 7
What had I done? Trusting Nando, I had agreed to his plan to seek vengeance on Chad & Dad. Nando obviously had some lame plan for the disbursal of his electronics that was intended to burn Chad and his father in ways as yet unimaginable.
How had I gotten into this? In all honesty, greed would be at the top of the list. I had mistakenly thought that I could earn a sizable commission helping Nando move his considerable stash of electronics. Then, in the blink of an eye, Chad Boyce was my apparent partner. What the *&#@!!! The thought of having to share time, much less money with him was repulsive. Now, I was to be the foil for Chad, the guy who would lend credence to Nando's little scheme to keep Chad in the dark. There would be no money, only bonus Kharma points with Nando; not negotiable at Banamex last time I checked.
A long, wet & humid month had passed since I had become part of Nando's dubious plot of vengeance. The staggering heat and relentless rain that highlighted Summer in Paradise did little to energize me in Nando's scheme, nonetheless I had willingly accepted a role that was crucial to its' execution. In the ensuing weeks, thankfully, I was able to avoid Chad except for our once-a-week update meeting at Nando's.
While Nando had yet to fill me in on the final play, it was obvious that everything in this convoluted scenario hinged on two things; Chad's laziness and his greed. I had conducted a full inventory of the (empty boxes of) electronics, and Chad, true to type had sat back and watched, uttering a "Sounds good..." to me after I pronounced the entire inventory finished.
An evening of research gave me most of the prices I needed, and the rest I was able to determine by calling several friends in the industry Stateside the following morning. The final count and amount at retail for Nando's Temple of Doom was $2,004,755.00 dollars! My initial guestimate had been way off only because Nando "found" a second stash of items to supplement the booty. That afternoon I phoned Chad with the news, telling him, "...of course that's retail and a lot of the pieces are older, so a round figure that we could expect would be about 650 to 700 hundred thou. Some pieces will get top dollar, others we'll have to dump."
"Dude, we've got to get at least a million, that way you and I walk off with $50,000 each. Anything less is an insult!" he declared from atop Mt. Clueless. Exactly HOW having free money dropped into your pocket was an insult was a line of questioning I decided not to pursue with Chad. It had been decided that Chad & I would market the goods, mostly on eBay, although private solicitations were game as well. Predictably and luckily, when I told Chad that we needed to get going on listing all the goods on eBay, he replied, "Aw snap! I'm the worst at that stuff, could you, like, get it goin' and then I'll chip in?" Which was Chad's way of announcing that he can't be bothered to actually DO anything.
But this, of course was what Nando and I were hoping for. The next day the compu-whiz and I put all of the merchandise on eBay complete with manufacturer's photos since all of the items were "factory sealed." One final detail was revealed to me when Nando proclaimed, "Not bad for a fake, hunh?" I asked what he was talking about. "This site, Bro, it's a virtual eBay, a mock, a sham, it ain't REAL! I can't take the chance that someone actually bids on this stuff, so I've created a site that will look real to Chad and his Dad. Now, let's start the fun." He had actually created a mock auction site that for all intents and purposes, was eBay. With one important distinction; he could create false bids from fictitious bidders. Which he proceeded to do,albeit slowly.
"What we're going to do is let a few pieces sell at lowball prices to get Chad salivating a little." And with that, Nando, or should I say Ferd Fefner of Ajijic, bought a Sony BluRay DVD player for $75 dollars, Jorge Romero of Ixtapa bought a pair of M&K S85 speakers for $200 and Juan Carlos Iberra of Barra de Navidad purchased a Runco 50 inch Plasma TV for $1,100.
"Where's the money coming from, and where's the merchandise going?" I asked, a little confused at what Nando was hoping to accomplish. I couldn't get past the fact that he had created a virtual eBay in half a day and now it was up and running.
"That's the beauty of PayPal, Bro. I'll send myself a request for one dollar for each of those items and pay myself. According to the log on the site, $1,375 will be received. I'm gonna keep doing this for a few days, log up may 10 or 15 thousand in sales. You let Chad know that you're pissed he's not helping you ship the stuff, but just leave it in the Temple of Doom, he'll never notice it's never left. Just mess the boxes up a bit." Nando was smiling, but I still wasn't getting it. Where was this going?
"Look, Nando. I'm completely not seeing the big picture here. A month ago, you intimated that weapons and drugs might come into play, but so far, all I'm seeing is an illegal website and questionable accounting. And Chad is off on a golf course somewhere, clueless as always. So what gives?" I asked.
"Bro, what are the two most predictable qualities of young Chad, hmmm?" he queried me.
Without a pause, I replied, "Greed and slothfulness."
"Exactly. Now what do you suppose will happen, when, after two or three weeks of sporadic bidding, the "collection" has only mustered 10 or 11 thousand bucks. Chad's take being a little more than $500? Admittedly, that's $500 free bucks that he didn't lift a finger for, but he's selfish and in his mind, I freakin' guarantee you, he feels he deserves not just the 50 grand he mentioned to you, but YOUR 50 grand and then some. So, again, what happens when only $500 is in pocket?" he prodded me.
"I foresee much whining and pouting," I answered.
"Sí, sí, sí. It's the classic 'I want it all now' syndrome that most children work through by early puberty. Let me pose a question; what if an opportunity to sell the entire collection- everything in the Temple of Doom, were to drop into Chad's lap? What do you suppose he'd do?" He raised his eyebrow, poorly, and this time it was my turn.
"Do you have a headache?" He shook his head no, looking annoyed at my attempt at paybacks and I continued, "I imagine that he would go to great lengths to make said opportunity come to fruition. I see deceit, skullduggery and potential physical violence as plausible, nay, probable methods in his pursuit. I would need to distance myself, methinks." I added, hoping he wouldn't begrudge me my poor attempt at DRAMA.
"Yes," he said, "I think you've got that right, although I could do without the poor Shakespearian interpretation. In a word, the boy is greedy and he lacks the vision to see all but what he cares to see which will work to our advantage. I think a little intrigue is in order."
That was three weeks ago. As he had promised, over the next two plus weeks Nando created fictitious bidders to gobble up a modest $13,400 worth of "factory sealed electronics," the commission for which would have been $670 for Chad and the same for me. And, gentleman that he was, at our weekly meeting, Nando handed each of us that amount in pesos based on that day's rate, according to Banamex.
"Whoa, dude, what's with the slim pickin's?" inquired Chad to Nando,"...today's rate is like 13.25 to 13.50, don't bogart the cash. man."
"Glad to see you're doing something with your spare time, Chad. I presume that, knowing you'd be in for a payday, you checked the currency exchanges this morning. Bravo. But you were looking at the buy figure rather than the sell figures. All of our client bidders have paid in pesos, hence the commensurate pay to you. Now please, don't piss me off any further with your Finance 101," announced Nando.
I’ve never been particularly quick with currency exchange logic and, frankly, I didn’t know if he’d just bamboozled Chad or not, but Chad shut up and quietly stuffed the pesos in his pocket, so it must have worked.
"This merchandise will take the better part of nine years to liquidate at the present rate. I think it's time to try a more aggressive marketing tact. I want to sell the entire collection as a lot. To this end, I have put together a portfolio that lists the items from your inventory," he eyeballed me, "as well as the pictures you assembled. A little PhotoShop magic, and voíla!" He handed each of us a very cool. slick looking magazine that looked like a fantasy electronics catalog.
"I want you to look at avenues you may not have looked to before, not electronics enthusiasts, but rather business people. We are looking for a unique individual who can see the potential profit in reselling these items. Think outside the box. This individual is NOT a retailer or collector. He is an investor, a speculator, a profiteer. Carry this catalog with you, because you may be surprised at who this may appeal to. Now go, I'm late for my massage."
Winking at me he added, “Bro, hold on. You left your iPhone here last week. Manny’s got it here someplace.” As Chad exited, I faced Nando.
“Jeez Nando, how pathetic do you think Chad is to not pick up on that, “you stay, he leaves” secret message?” I inquired sarcastically. “First of all, everyone knows I think iPhones are a waste of money down here, and if I DID own one, I sure as heck wouldn’t go without for a week!”
“Well, I’m seeing the dust from his hot rod departure, so I don’t believe there’s much to worry about. Now sit down for a sec,…want a Peñafiel? Manny, get us all a frosty Peñafiel and come sit with us. You,” he turned and faced Manny, “need to hear why I’m going to be difficult to live with for the next month or so, and you,” he said turning to me, “need to hear why guns and drugs might be involved.”
After Manny had poured the sparkling water over ice into three beautiful crystal highball glasses and placed one in front of each of us, Nando proceeded to outline his grand scheme. “Have I ever told you about Spanky?” Email to a friend
- to be continued
Landon Hollander
E-mail: landon5123@mac.com
Feedback about this Article
Landon Hollander consults, designs and sells audio and video systems (landoplan.com) and handles sales in the Riviera Nayarit for the PVMirror. He can be reached at: landon5123@mac.com. Landon is currently teaching his dogs French to see if they will obey commands in this language as they appear not to understand English or Spanish.
Previous Articles
Puerto Vallarta Photo Gallery
Riviera Nayarit Photo Gallery |
Current
Weather Report
